This is a great start Don. But who's he talking to? Is he talking to the tombstone or is he talking to god? To me I think he should be focused on the tombstone. If he's just talking to god, the whole tombstone is unneccisary. Also I'd move the part where he throws the flower. It happens too close to the begining. I think if you have him hold it, and have him throw it when he takes that first step, it would work better. This way the audience will have time to register that he's holding the flower first.

Also when he steps to pat the tombstone, he does a left-left step where his left foot steps and his left hand comes forward and it feels a bit awkward. Even though using he left hand to reach closes off his body to the camera, I kind of like it, so I think you should just switch the leg and have the right leg step instead.

Back to my first point. If you keep his focus only on the tombstone instead of switching focus, it will give you more of an opportunity to act more which is what this shot is about.

Aloha,
the Ape

—

...we must all face a choice, between what is right... and what is easy."

Thu, 12/08/2005 - 5:17am

(Reply to #4) #5

animatordon

Thanks Ape!

I guess when I started this my thinking was that he is having a conversation with, Himself,The Tombstone and God. I hear what your saying about he leg and arm moving both moving forward on the left but when I acted it out in the begining in my apt, thats how I did it, and it felt right at the time. But I am always open to try things differently so maybe I will. I worked some more on it changed one of the hands so now it goes over his heart, I also got rid of the pat on the tombstone in the end, I got some comments that the clip was way too serious for a pat, so I changed the acting a little bit on that. Here is my most recent version: Recent CLIP

Thanks for the help and the great comments!

Don

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