Search form

New short film! Feedback please!

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
New short film! Feedback please!

Here's my newest cartoon. It's called "Frankenshopper".

http://home.earthlink.net/~jtn1989/hiyaanimation/id90.html

Enjoy! My team and I worked hard. I'd appreciate some feedback ;)

James :cool:

How big is the file?

Question on your site, it's about animation, but there are no thumbnails or graphics, the only thing you have there makes it look like a tech site. Time to rethink.

Pat Hacker, Visit Scooter's World.

pretty good, but take it up a notch

That's not bad. My comments and critique echo each other--it's got some promise but it needs more:

- You've gotten some good expression out of very minimalist character designs...BUT... you need more angles beyond the 3/4 heads you've got there.

- Your the shots have a nice variety, in terms of breaking things up with close-ups , etc. but the layouts are mostly straight on and the action only moves side-to-side. You could work the Z-axis a little more. More dynamic angles and some zooms as well as pans.

- I think the concept is pretty funny and the interaction between the doctor and assistant is fun...BUT...there's no rising action. It just kind of ends. You need a middle part with the "shopping monster" doing some monster shopping that builds to some climax.

- You're obviously really "going-for-it" in your vocal performance, and I admire that...BUT...I think you need to consider casting other actors for the other characters. It's really challenging to execute distinctively different characters. Not everyone can be Mel Blanc. Just getting a good variety of voice characterizations in there would lift this up several levels.

- Lose the subtitles/sluglines at the beginning. You don't really need them (unless you expand their role into some kind of running gag).

Hope that helps.

Ted Nunes - www.tedtoons.com