Hello everyone.
i wanted to create a pitch for an animation TV Series and i wanted your opinion on it and what to do about it.
When Merick comes to a new home in Cradle-town he aspects to live a normal after his parents break-up but it find nothing but normal. He discovers a magical book which reveals mystery and unmentionable secrets of the supernatural world. he also encounters evil who wants the book for more destructive purposes. its now up to Merick and his new-found friends Amy and Donny to stop from stealing the book.
what do you guys think?
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Message By Echi Echi :D :) :) :cool:
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It's very external at the moment, i.e. about what happens event-wise. I'd recommend emphasizing the emotional conflict of the drama.
Also, log-lines need more sneak adjective descriptions. Who's Merick? Who's Amy and Donny? Names don't tell me who they are.
Make it more descriptive, ie:
City-slicker Merick hopes to find some peace and normality when he moves to Cradle-town, but he ends up tripping over one shattered illusion after the other - and even finds out that he himself is responsible for his parent's traumatic break-up.
(okay, too long. But you get the idea...)
Finally, vocabulary - he "aspects" to find? He expects to find, right? Take grammar and spelling seriously - the log-line is your 3-sentence-foot-in-the-door.
Are you a writer because if you are i really need one?
i have created a story of it but its nor finished. do you wanna see it?
Message By Echi Echi :D :) :) :cool:
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Hi Echi, I checkd out your site and those characters ooze personality. Nice material! Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I'm juggling so many things right now that I'm not sure what I am, except busy. From the glimpse of your project you need a writer with a much better grip on comedy, which I don't have. (unfortunately)
I really like your drive - so, as much as I have time to do so, I'd love to give you whatever tips I can offer.
It sounds very generic, to me. It tells me that the series is about a boy who fights evil so they won't get a magical item. Many, many cartoons have the same premise. What makes this battle against evil unique?
generic is fine you know. find your target audience, speak to them, entertain them.
your material should be your material. if its different it should be on its own merit rather than for trying.
i like the sound of it. plenty of scope. of course you got a lot of fleshing out to do