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need your Suggestion

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need your Suggestion

undefinedundefinedHi,
I am Praveen Chrispugg,studying MA Visualcommunication in animation film making in UK. Now I am making an animation short film called "pardigm shift". i put all its preproduction stuff in a website www.geocities.com/chrispugg
I will be grateful to you if you can give me your suggestions and comments on my preproduction.it will be useful for my learning.
Sincerely,
Praveen Chrispugg
www.chrispuggs.net

please reply to my email nprc_75@yahoo.com

Lots there to pile through but it looks very thorough. Is there an animatic?

ed

Department of Computer Animation
Ringling College of Art and Design
Sarasota Florida

from praveen Chrispugg

Dear Ed,
thank you for your reply,
Yes I made the whole film in rough live action film to understand the timing ,expression and walk cycle.and also I did the layout computer animation of some shot for understanding.I have the animatics of the story board too. I am making the film now. I just completed my first scene (22 shots) today. the lighting and texturing cameout good. but i am not satisfied with the story plot. something is missing in the story.i don't know my story whether evoke the emotion to the audience or not.
I will be grateful to you if you can give me your advice on story.
following is the story brief.
Film title: Paradigm shift
There is a place of 20 feet wall maze /puzzle made out of concrete. A weary person is lost in the maze and walking all the way to find the exit. His breathing sound is echoing the place. He reaches a place which leads to four different place (crossroad) he doesn’t know which way to go. Suddenly a monster ball which rules the place rolls towards him and try to crush him. He runs from the place and the monster chases him. He finds a door and tries to open. It doesn’t open. Monster comes very close to him. He somehow opens the door and escapes from the monster. He reaches a new place of the maze. He finds a rope on the floor that leads him to a place. There he finds a Maze map. He is happy to go near to the map. That happiness doesn’t stand for longer. A big monster spider, which protecting the map appears before him and tries to kill him for taking the map. He drops the map and runs for life. It chases him and he finds a small gap where he can only go. He escapes from the monster spider and again reaches a new place closes by four sides (except the small hole he came in) he is so upset and disappointment of finding the exit. He finds a robe on the floor and decides to make it as suicide robe then he changes his mind and collected the stick on the floor and makes the ladder and climbs the wall. When he is on the halfway in the ladder, suddenly the monster ball rolls towards him to stop him climbing, then it hit the ladder. He falls on the floor. Now he doesn’t have any way to escape. The monster rolls very fast towards him when it runs near to him. He takes the ladder and keeps it against it and the ladder pierce the ball and it dies. After that, he repairs the ladder. he climbs the wall and reaches the top of the wall. He sees the exit from there. He exited. The camera reveals all happen inside someone’s head.

thank you very much for spending your valuable time for me,
Sincerely,
praveen Chrispugg
www.chrispuggs.net

This is what I'd tell you if you were one of my students:

1. There are too many convenient happenings with the character running here and finding a rope then running there and finding the ladder. It seems like you are making up the rules of the environment as you go along and from a viewers stand point it’s a bit confusing.

2. There is the relationship between the main character and the monster ball and the spider. I’d say pick one because do you really want to model and texture a spider for the little time it has in the story? Or if you really want to use the spider find a way for the character to use the ball to trap the spider and in doing so disabling both. Whatever you do try to incorporate the two so they aren’t two separate none related entities. In a larger story you might be able to get away with it but a short story everything needs to be there for a reason.

3. Try not to end a story with reveal at the end. It’s been used a million times and nothing angers a viewer more than that because basicly you are saying well there is this whole other story but I'm not going to show you that.

ed

Department of Computer Animation
Ringling College of Art and Design
Sarasota Florida

from praveen Chrispugg

Dear Ed,
Thank you for your suggestions. i will work out the changes in the story and let you know.
Sincerely,
Praveen