Reprinted with permission. Find this completely fabricated news item and other such humorous nonsense at 2DayInAnimation.com 
The recent Adobe CS6 program suite preview, which includes new versions of Photoshop, Premier Pro and After Effects, has generated huge buzz within the software pirate community, with the anticipated late May 2012 release putting bootleggers on notice an upgrade to their biggest seller in on the way.
It is estimated that in many countries such as India, China and throughout South America, only 1 in 5 pieces of software is purchased legally. Within the digital art communities like animation, gaming, visual effects, graphic design and digital filmmaking, to name a few, Adobe software is arguable the most pirated set of tools used.
Dutch hacker, software pirate and best-selling CG artist AmsterDamnedXXX responded to the leaked feature sets and remarked, “I can’t wait to get my hands on the final build. Adobe once again has raised the bar in developing some of the most sophisticated digital tools in the world. I look forward to stealing them.”
Pirate e-commerce website developer Crazy Ivan has seen a recent surge in his business, which he attributes to the upcoming Adobe release. “Is very big deal for my business,” said the noted supporter of green technology and digital IP thief. “My business go through roof when new version Adobe or Windows get released. All my pirate clients want new websites. CS6 release day will be like Christmas in May.”
Brazilian software pirate, DJ and environmental activist PaoloPaolo is looking forward to a possible switch from Final Cut Pro to Adobe’s Premier Pro editing program. “When we ambush chemical company criminals illegally dumping toxic sewage into the Amazon, it’s critical I get that video edited and uploaded to our EcoForce.TV website as quickly as possible. I often experience long render times in Final Cut Pro. Premier Pro looks like it might be a viable alternative for me. The workflow functionality looks pretty sweet as well. I look forward to stealing it.”