Yet more notes on the Academy Awards.
Anyone that has read any of my opinionated blogs about the sad proliferation of award shows can safely skip past today’s offering as I got nothing new here, really – but I just can’t help myself. Also I’ve fallen a little short, blog wise lately so I thought I could pad my blog roll with this bit of fluff. So read on if you've got nothing better to do in the next few minutes.
This entire award season will culminate this Sunday night with the Big Show, the Top Banana, the Granddaddy of these events, The Academy Awards. In what promises to be (dare I say) the biggest and most ambitious event ever, we’ll be treated to ground breaking production and a lot of surprises. How do I know all of this secret stuff? Well, the guy that is producing the show told me so, several times in fact on a number of news and late night shows. Movie stars too, they’ve all told me what a great show it is going to be and that I’m going to be surprised….
Well how could I miss something like that? I really couldn’t miss it anyway because a dear friend gives a party each year and I am the scorekeeper. He has been giving this party for years and most of the guests are in the industry and a number are members of the Academy. Everyone is required to vote a full ballot (at the party) and the winners get little statuettes and bottles of wine and stuff. I sit in the biggest chair closest to his massive television screen and mark down the winners in each category. I have a very important job and once in a while I need to tell everyone to shut-up as they are talking and yelling so much no one can hear anything, like what obscure foreign film won Best Obscure Foreign Musical from Original Screenplay. Many of the guests have no manners and because they are real Academy members, they think they can tell the rest of us that we don’t know doughnuts about good acting or who looks best in their size 2-gown gliding down the red carpet.
I never win anything. A nice lady named Hope Parker is on a hot streak and has won the last 3 years. She gets around 20 out of 24 right and then acts like she’s just lucky – I think she cheats. For years another lady, Jane Baer won all the time but I know for a fact that she cheated – she’s in the dumps now, lucky to get half right. Couldn't pick Joe Louis if he was fighting Jerry Lewis... Serves her right! I plan on winning, someday.
Some people vote for those they think should win and others vote for those they think will win. You know, someone will say, “Hated her in that but heard her gardener has a prostate problem, thought she’d get the sympathy vote!”
At the party Academy members don’t talk too much about how they voted on their real ballots. I know there is some pledge of blood about speaking in public about Academy business. Members seem nervous, always checking around to see if some Academy block captain’s about to slip them the black spot.
I’m bringing potato salad. The host never wants anyone to bring anything but over the years we all decided to help out with the appetizers and side dishes. My wife used to bring an artichoke dip that everyone loved. They all asked for the recipe and now they all want to bring it because it’s easy to make and tastes so good. I’m not giving anyone my potato salad recipe.
The host is a wonderful guy that acted in films himself at one time and loves the Academy Awards as much as I love cheeseburgers, and that’s saying something. Over the last four or five years he has had a casual friend help him with the party and it has grown more extravagant and full of surprises (there’s that word again). I think it’s good that he has some help but I couldn’t help but notice that when the invitation came this year credits on the back went to Shelly and Fred. Somehow Shelly has taken top billing and I wonder how many others have noticed - but I guess she that prints up the invitations has last word on credits, just like in real life.
Well this should be enough to qualify as a new blog – right? I know I haven’t said much of anything or been of any help to any of you but I’ll try to do better next week – promise. I might even tell you who had the best score on their party ballot, unless of course I suspect they cheated.
Hooray for Hollywood!