Idiots’ Diary #8: Crowd Control
I'm now moving into Phase II of my brilliant military campaign to spread the word about my animated feature film premier in NY and LA. This week, I've called up all my writer friends and press associates who have contacts with the media.
I'm trying to impress them with the gravity of the situation: I've spent a lot of time and money on this film, Idiots & Angels, and if it is a flop in NYC and LA, then it won't screen in theaters across America, I won't get a big DVD release, it won't get big TV sales, and then I'm broke.
So I need a big crowd for my openings. I want a line outside stretching around the block. I want a mob outside that's so excited about my film they break the doors down. I need 3 squadrons of riot police with barricades for crowd control. I want every animation fan, every Plympton fan, and everyone who loves movies pushing to get in to see my film. I want to see mobs of people; a Barnum & Bailey Circus with fire eaters, naked hairy ladies, giant elephants, and 3-ring circuses. I want to see a recreation of Woodstock with Jimi Hendrix, risen from the dead, playing the theme from Idiots & Angels and Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison harmonizing in a duet to I&A music. I want a crowd so big they have to shut down the NY thruway, the IFC Cinema becomes the 2nd largest city in NY state and they're all buying tickets to see my film.
That's what I want. Is that so much to ask for?
Well, only you can make my dream come true! Yes, you! Tell all your friends about the film. Hell, bring your friends to the opening. It'll be a blast; I'll be there. There will be prizes, free Bill Plympton drawings, you name it! I'll see you there.