IT HAPPENS IN REEL LIFE

by Karl Cohen

Once upon a time in Hollyweird there was a big movie corporation and a mean old executive named Mr. Greed (the names have been changed to protect the guilty). Now Mr. G. got talked into putting a tiny bit of money (a few million of the corporation's billions) into a feature for children. The director's first film had been a big hit and had made the company a lot of money. The new film would be based on a best selling children's book. Mr. G.'s smartest advisers said the project would be a big hit. His accountants said it would gross so much in the first week of its release that they would all get rich (ok, they were already rich, but they would get rich all over again).
When the film came out, Mr. G. had reservations about the work. He complained his feet were cold and grumbled to his staff. As a result, his publicity department didn't do much to tell the world that the director named Hank (not his real name) had made a wonderful movie. They were afraid to spend Mr. G.'s money on something that might upset him. As a result the reviewers liked the film as it had wonderful qualities to it, but they didn't jump up and down shouting "see this film right away."
When the public didn't rush out as predicted, Mr. G.'s staff realized the new work wasn't going to make them millions and millions of dollars right away. They got worried. Instead of their trying harder to promote this nice film they decided to cut their losses and not put much more energy and money into making the film a hit.
What was even worse was the attitude of friends of Mr. G. They had signed a contract with the director for his upcoming pictures. They had thought he was going to make them lots of money, but now they were having Mr. Screw of their legal department break the contract.
People who saw Hank's film said it was very good and their numbers kept growing. Their friends wanted to see it too, but only some of them got to see it before it was pulled from theatrical distribution.
Hank was in trouble. He was told that his film had lost money. His new backers broke their contract with him for a big multi-picture deal. He was told he only had a few weeks to go before they would stop paying his rent and overhead. Mr. G. planned to take back the equipment his corporation had lent Hank.
Hank was given some money to go away. He gave his workers notice, paid them for a few more weeks of work and then put a closed sign on the door. Soon his studio was empty, the equipment was gone and his highly talented staff had to go elsewhere to work. Strange as it may seem, Mr. G.'s company hired many of Hank's best people to work on one of their top secret projects. Rumors say it might include a lot of music. Mr. G.'s company likes singing and dancing stars. They always make money no matter how silly and stupid the films are.
Hank's future in an industry full of wolves is uncertain. A sly fox gave him a development deal, but that doesn't guarantee that anything will ever see the light of day. His sometimes friend Brutus (he once stabbed Hank in the back when he tried to hire Hank's most important workers for his own project while they were busy working on the feature for Mr. G.) has asked him to direct a feature that might begin production in 1997 or '98 or... Brutus' last film was an expensive flop so his plans for his next film could change. Other big shots have taken Hank to lunch, but nobody has given him a fabulous contract.
As for Mr. G. he was recently told some people that the film industry is short-sighted and is only going for the fast buck. He said that making a quarterly profit was more important to most companies than producing quality features that would last through the ages. It wasn't clear if he was condemning or praising this trend.
Mr. G. didn't discuss the recent success of Hank's film.

It seems that the film he wasn't fond of when it came out had become a financial success when it was released in Europe. When it was released on video, thanks in part to a big marketing push, it stayed on the charts for weeks and made millions. Hopefully some of that trickled down to the director. Perhaps Hank will live happily ever after, or will there be a parable about the creative corporate accountant and the naive director, or don't count on your bucks if you are a deer in Hollyweird.

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