TV Review: Butt-Ugly Martians
I knew this was a dirty assignment when I took it on. Reviewing TV animation isn't as easy as it sounds. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. This week I lose. Big time. Butt-Ugly Martians is one butt-ugly piece of work. This is one of those shows you know, just from the title, is going to stink or surprise. No surprise here. It stinks. I've just watched the wretched first episode, and I'm sitting here with the press kit. I'd rather review the press kit -- it looks more entertaining. But it's my job to watch these shows so you don't have to, so I'm obligated to recount the horror that is Butt-Ugly Martians Episode #1: "That's No Puddle, That's Angela." (What is it with these things labeled "Episode #1" -- are they cursed?) Before I go into the particulars, I suppose I have to set up the series premise. The problems begin here. The show is about a trio of friendly Martians, originally sent to destroy the earth (in the year 2053), but instead they discover how cool it is to hang out with three stereo-typical future American Earth-Kids who mainly watch TV, eat burgers and race hover-boards. These kids seem to live in some desolate location, which looks like a cross between Death Valley and Afghanistan. This show is way over-developed. The paragraph above doesn't begin to cover it all. First off, the three kids are the now-traditional PC white boy (the average kid), black boy (the smart kid) and white girl (the smarter kid). The Martians have a robot dog named "Dog" (an idea that was original and funny when George Of The Jungle named his great ape, "Ape" -- "Dog" is just lame), and are regularly pursued by a local "alien hunter" named Muldoon (voiced by Robert Stack). They are monitored by their Martian superiors on the red planet, so they must periodically stage fake invasion reports (á là Wag The Dog) to keep further Martians from landing, and prevent them from leaving. Meanwhile a variety of space villains routinely invade the Earth (apparently one each week), and when this happens the Martians utilize an ability to morph into super-rangers -- an ability they call "BKN" (is this an in-joke about Bohbot Kids Network?), but they never explain what the letters B.K.N. stand for. And get this, the Martians even have "funny" names! Our three heroes are called, respectively: Do-Wah Diddy, B. Bop-A-Luna and 2-T-Fru-T (that one voiced by Rob Paulsen). Well, hardy-har-har. These sound like names that a 50 year-old kids programming exec, who has never watched kids programming in 40 years, might come up with over the weekend. A weekend of hard drinking.
























I'm fifteen and I miss watching this show. I loved it as a little kid.
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