Never has a film been so widely reviewed prior to its release, and rarely have the reviews been so uniform in both their general disdain and their specific complaints. It's no wonder: The Phantom Menace's problems are obvious to almost anyone not devoted to the series. That no one bothered to point them out to Lucas beforehand is a sign of what happens when you become The Most Successful Filmmaker of All Time. Who's going to have the gonads to tell you you're screwing up?

Creatures for Kids
For many viewers, the central complaint will be the extent to which this is a kiddie film. There's nothing wrong with kids' pictures, but the first two Star Wars pics managed to stay interesting for adults as well. What's worse is that, despite having children as its primary target, Phantom Menace has long slow stretches. Its perfect viewers are eight-year-olds who don't mind a lot of talky exposition.

You may have thought that Lucas' taste for Teletubbie-level cutesy-poo creatures reached its peak with the Ewoks, but you'd be wrong. Here he trumps that dubious achievement with the cloying Jar Jar Binks. There are already complaints springing up that Jar Jar is a racist stereotype -- a Stepin Fetchit for the new millennium. He's servile and cowardly, and his accent is generally being taken as Jamaican. These complaints are

wrongheaded: there is nothing to connect Jar Jar with old black stereotypes. Jamaican? Jar Jar's thick accent sounds more like Fozzie Bear than Bob Marley; if I hadn't already seen his name spelled out, I would have thought it was Zsa Zsa. In fact, all the alien accents in The Phantom Menace sound like either familiar Jim Henson creatures -- not surprising, given the participation of Frank Oz -- or like John Cleese's deranged Frenchman in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Not only does Jar Jar not resemble old offensive stereotypes, but, even if he did, the movie makes abundantly clear that he is a fluke among his otherwise perfectly competent race -- such an accident-prone goofball that he's an outcast among his own. Unfortunately, Jar Jar is the film's main source of humor; and, for anyone over about twelve, he quickly grows irritating. He's a less likable version of Big Bird.

The Humans
The human characters, unfortunately, display no humor and no interesting traits. Qui-Gon is a somber stiff, and McGregor, despite his appealing twinkle, is straitjacketed and underused as Obi-Wan. Portman, usually an excellent actress, likewise seems ill-at-ease, as though she couldn't find a natural voice in which to intone Lucas' portentous dialogue. As Mace Windu, Samuel L. Jackson, a great actor, also seems baffled as to just what he's doing there.

Even though the absence of Harrison Ford is a huge problem in all films that Ford isn't in, there are other actors, McGregor among them, who could have brought a modicum of charm to the proceedings. But charm is altogether missing.

The Beauty of It
Without an ingenious plot or engaging characters, all you're really left with are the film's technical achievements. And, on that front, The Phantom Menace succeeds spectacularly. Lucas' people, always in the forefront of CGI, have outdone themselves here. Having avoided as much of the hype as I could, I didn't know in advance that Jar Jar was completely computer-generated...and the illusion is so perfect that it never occurred to me while watching that, of course, he had to be.

The production design is the film's most inspired area: all of the landscapes, seascapes, and skylines are gorgeous. As a wall calendar, Phantom Menace is a brilliant movie.