"Every generation has a legend. Every journey has a first step. Every saga has a beginning."

Sure, but the problem is: What are you going to do for surprises or suspense if 90% of the world already knows where your saga is heading? There aren't going to be a lot of people out there watching George Lucas' latest Star Wars installment, The Phantom Menace, and musing, "Gee! I wonder whatever will become of that adorable Anakin Skywalker kid?"

The Rabid and the Regular
In theory, getting there should be half the fun, but, sadly, in this case it isn't. There are other built-in problems with a Star Wars prequel: most notably, how do you keep it interesting for the rabid fans -- who know more about the struggles between the Empire and the Jedi knights than they do about the Civil War, World War I, and World War II put together -- without absolutely excluding those of us who have managed over these past two decades to cultivate a few other little interests (for example, music, literature, the rest of cinema, and other human beings) at the expense of our LucasFilm expertise? How do you make sure that the plot is comprehensible to the rest of us -- not to mention to the dozen or so sentient beings on this planet who have somehow missed the first three films -- without boring the fanatics to tears?

It's a tough assignment, and one at which -- it can be said with certainty -- Lucas has failed utterly. Once we get past the opening weeks, when the theaters will be dominated by the True Believers, it is reasonable to assume that half the audience will be wondering just what those sinister shots of Senator Palpatine are suggesting, while the other half will be yawning at the sledgehammer obviousness of it all.

To give you perspective on where I fit in that spectrum, I really liked the first Star Wars; I thought Empire Strikes Back was more interesting, but less fun; and Return of the Jedi would be passable if Lucas used his new, fancy-assed CGI technology to erase the Ewoks permanently and blot out the nauseatingly sentimental fireside reunion scene at the end.

But even the first film.... Let's just say: It was no Buckaroo Banzai.

The Phantom Menace in many ways continues the trends initiated in Return: dumbing down the content for younger and younger kids; avoiding any irony or adult point of view; slathering on the pseudo-religious mystical gibberish; and replacing actual humans with an assortment of adorable and/or sinister muppets.

Unfolding Events
The plot is simplicity itself: this is the first Star Wars episode for which one can do a detailed synopsis without spoiling any surprises, since there are no surprises. The story revolves around a struggle to control the planet of Naboo: evil ambassadors of the Trade Federation, under the direction of Darth Sidious, are seizing control away from the fourteen-year-old Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman). Jedi knights Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) are sent to assess the situation, but quickly find their lives in danger. They team up with a goofy computer-generated "Gungan" named Jar Jar Binks (voice by Ahmed Best) and escape with the Queen and her retinue to head back to the Republic capital of Coruscant.

On the way, they have to land on the desert planet of Tatooine for repairs, where they encounter a clever, towheaded nine-year-old lad named Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd), who seems to be positively awash in the Force. Despite the misgivings of the Jedi Council, Qui-Gon insists on training the boy as a Jedi. Good confronts evil: good wins, but the film ends with the stage set for Anakin to hook up with Amidala, sire Luke and Leia, and transform into Darth Vader -- to be shown in Episodes II and III.