The Animation Pimp: Via Slug’s Saloon

The Animation Pimp presents the unedited selection notes he took during the 2002 Ottawa Festival's selection process, where he, and two others, watched over 1600 films in nine days…

By Chris Robinson | Thursday, August 8, 2002 at 12:00 am

Posted In | Columns: The Animation Pimp

Monthly provocative, drunken, idiotic ramblings from the North…

One will be the more learned, the more one knows that one is ignorant. -- Nicholas of Cusa

Illustration by Andreas Hykade Courtesy of Chris Robinson.

Oh my god No phukking way Good story but same ol’ same ol’ Ginger can kiss my green grass ass Self-conscious hip Speaking of enemas Technique is unique but this is phukking boring Narration is weird disjointed intense Hey these animals are really cute Pushing the Canadian accents to extremes Fairly Hey a freak dog with three legs Cow cud with big balls Been there seen that Blah blah Bangles Eat me! I would like to sock someone I’m feeling violent the clichés never end Disney has redefined bland nice bosom though pro-girl but of course she’s umm…hot I like tea biscuits I smell monkey poo We are talking about blueberry chocolate confusions sometimes I think it’s chocolate but it’s blueberry Nice design Jerry Stiller bird I like blueberry tea biscuits I’ve had 2 cups of coffee Disney’s answer to Powerpuff Design=Burton Jokes=lame I’d rather eat rice Pretty phukking obscure Really a series? Pretty funny Cleaning rooms is a no-go Winking is a no-no One bite of a cabbage and his wish will come true Suck my cakehole ya bad acting bitch Pretty original but I dunno kinda boring too There’s that dog again A fart joke multiple orgasms hand in pants vomiting little hairy muffin Every lame idea becomes a TV concept it's like a phukking receptacle looks like an early '80s cartoon but would look bad even then A meccano dream here we go again first Elvis reference Belongs in heaven lame jokes poor dialogue Nathan Lane!? I’ve had better tales in my ass Cereal company doesn’t but toys in box Igor’s ‘character’ influence Not on tape Blow me! Annecy can keep it! Decent design mediocre script Pre Dickable Holy phuk. See "mimi"

Now THAT’s animation! This music is making me thirsty No way Nice Mexican accent ya skinny phuck is a dog aware of his existence? Don’t be greedy come and get it no its wrong here try some ge ya goin’ real big fat albert

#1
my nose runs on occasion
there is a no in nose
I am a no

I hate elves and for dummie books die please light green has that ‘overbeck’ look red while circle dancers in circle I was nice ONCE not again Stay there you’re more boring than your boring city Ruined by coupling duck hunt They’re shooting ducks s’like a fortune teller…eh HA HA HA Reindeers drinking stupid old broad Sometimes when I crap it 's poignant Phuck U That rough raw style Fresh towels are fine Flutes should be banned Elastic band MAYBE just because there are three people and I am but one who said NON! Make the pain go away Great gag Bugs can't play drums 9-11 reference #1 How come the Penguin? I wanna work for Don Bluth, but Don Bluth doesn’t work anymore either He’s phukkin’ dreamin’ in pencil Hey…fran/will Krause influenced! Thick line drawings slavery bit of Larkin influence Elderly schmelderly RRRRRRRRRRRRR Why is this animated? So much realistic detail Just shoot it LIVE! Maybe Can. Panorama It's NEVER Jules Verne? Character design is just silly Clitoris? It belongs in a hole St. inspector Nein This is one of the WORST entries ever cheese burger amiga man I feel like sleeping too A lo ghostbuster with a halo/belly button De la A La Nice bits poor pace at times not always clear something familiar Woody Allen Big eyed guy in cub sketchy style even worse then the Quays Nails cotton and things that don’t move Great voice actors! I was out-voted so its maybe for panorama Frankenstein created turns on creator? I’m losing my mind on Day 2 I don’t like my mummy bunny honey huuney strange atmospheric not THAT bad woman as oven max schrek that damn 2d look hey…that guy has no nose but he does have a trailer Oh dear now he’s a bird Why? The new King! Softfocus No…but I do! Preachy but nice design so-so so-so mmmmm…hp sauce [I made a drawing too] I don’t like red landscape First we drink

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Comments

hey Chris - again, some "people" don't get it...like Z...and D...and i applaud yer efforts to enlighten same! myownself, think it's a waste of time...nothing ya or i tell em would make em "see"....sure, makes ya feel better, all altruistic and inclusive...trying to leave no one out...but some are better left there. ain't it funny the most ignorant, and "animated", tend to be the best "educated"? sez something 'bout the "education" system....

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tony the tiger (not verified) | Sat, 08/17/2002 - 00:00 | Permalink

lets-see.....1600 films divided by 9 days= six burned-out eyes+ judges brains "fried" by the day eight...hmmmm, did the real-deserving winners win?who cares! i know the pimp was probably experiencing the latest brain-washing-by-over-exposure -to( bad )animation, who"s idea was this-anyway? these brave judges may need 'shock-therapy' after this one..."hold -still and bite this piece of wood-mr. 'pimp'...zzziittt-zzziiitt"....dawk

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dawk mc farlane (not verified) | Fri, 08/16/2002 - 00:00 | Permalink

To Draino: 1. This was unedited..that means..gulp.... leaving every phrase untouched. 2. That's the sort of mentality that scrunches our society into a breed of lifeless, bland robotic either/or twits who go around pretending they're all nice and dandy like but can't wait to embrace and deliver some slander against someone else --in hushed tones of course. The type, for example, who actually believes that there are 'immoral' 'wrong' 'vulgar' sexual actions between two consenting adults. 3. As for these so called 'vulgar' words, first off, most of these words have been used for centuries so I don't know what this 'wasted generation' nonsense is that you speak of. It's not like 20th/21st century folks are the inventors of swearing for christ's sake. See the fine book, Wicked Words for details. (in the case of FUCK, it appears that the repression of that word over recent centuries has a lot to do with stifling Victorian moralities---something we ---not me though--appear to still be living with). 4. As for shock value... we all know these words are most often used to express extreme frustration, pain, anguish, hurt, anger, and serve as sort of an oral form of violence. And since I don't REALLY wanna hit people or shoot them or stab them or clonk them on the noggin with a brick...primitive, unharnessed oral 'rage' is a nice and appropriate alternative. In short...fuck you. (see..now THAT is shock value) Chris

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Chris Robinson (not verified) | Thu, 08/15/2002 - 00:00 | Permalink

I belive in fredom of speech and also have (obivously)bad typing as well............but................Really! Is it nessary to use language for shock value? Or have we not evolved over time? So many wasted generations !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DRACO

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draco MCI (not verified) | Thu, 08/15/2002 - 00:00 | Permalink

Right on, Chris! The Richards out there, they of the too-tight ties be needin' to draw a big breath and oxygenize both sides of the brain for this because you are onto the Real Deal. Having sat/slouched/screamed my way through the selection process - which I recall as being very professionally hosted by y'all, in spite of upteen minutes of mis-cued colour bars and misguided notions of communicating with a sentient audience - I will vouch for your stream-of-consciousness as a very accurate rendition of the dehumanizing, albeit fascinating, role we fulfill in whittling down the hundreds to The Dozens. Keep the brain waves splashing, Mr. C! Stephen B.

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Stephen Barnes (not verified) | Mon, 08/12/2002 - 00:00 | Permalink

Chris, Wow! I am amazed at what you were able to make with/from this mind-numbing experience. Seeing so many films in such a short time is truly nuts (and not fair for the films and their makers I might add), and yet, you salvaged enough clarity, enough sanity (and care?) to be able to make me feel that through your writing. Maybe some of the negative feedback you're now getting exemplifies what hampers "habitual animation:" step out of the societal norms (as you just did), and you'll be chastised. Yet, it is by taking chances like you just did in the writing of this piece, and in the very way you did it, that lies new things for all of us to discover, to enjoy. There was a slogan painted on many walls during the ("my") days of May '68 in Europe, and it could apply to the present situation: "He who does not go for the impossible will scarcely do anything worthwhile." (My translation.) I can imagine the OIAF selection committee meetings described in a local newspaper, and then compare that report with your story! I for one am glad you resisted the temptation to write a "journalistic report!"

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Jean Detheux (not verified) | Fri, 08/09/2002 - 00:00 | Permalink

All animations concerning truly unusual creatures/organisms/monsters - all animations of frogs and/or toads - all animations for television that have to do with cigaretes, cigars or beer. These are the things to see. Yes! More information...give.

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mattoad scumjump (not verified) | Fri, 08/09/2002 - 00:00 | Permalink

WHAT-EVER. At least people are trying. Hasn’t the pimp got any thing better to write than that energy draining article?

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Carolle-Shelley Abrams (not verified) | Fri, 08/09/2002 - 00:00 | Permalink

That does it. If I ever had any doubt in the past, this article confirms my initial gut feeling. I am 100% finished reading AWN's Animation Pimp articles. Whatever it is you were trying to do, Chris, it not only went way over my head, but it has killed any further credibility you might hold in my eyes. I now officially have concrete examples of what to show my students is invalid crap information that can be found on the web. Thanks.