July Couple weeks in (after Jarvis’ fifth birthday party — too many kids… too many kids) we start getting strange calls… apparently the funding decision is going to be reversed. S’like X-Files. Hmm… man… I’m in good shape. Look at those shoulder muscles. I’d like to hit someone… maybe Richard Stursberg? Maybe an animator? Leading the hockey team in scoring and the league in penalty minutes. How’s that possible? Mid-July. Funding restored for now. Rest of month is spent watching all the entries. No time for nutting else. I hate myself. Why am I doing this job? I’m sick of this shit. No structure… no board… shitty pay. Not overly impressed with the crop this year except this JJ Villard guy. Made this Bukowski film. It’s great… real raw and honest. Easily the best film here. I like this job.

August
Putting the catalog together and getting my manuscript ready for publishers. Canadian writer tells me he likes the manuscript. Man… but two other friends say it’s chaotic. Who to believe? It’s supposed to be chaotic. It’s about identity. Score a sweet job writing for Montage magazine. Pay is way too good. Few more of those and I can leave the festival. Funding coming in for SAFO. Fuck me. Why is it always last minute? We’re almost sold out of passes. What gives? I know it’s smaller… but what’s with this festival anyway. We’re gonna can it either way. Makes no sense. People are confused… people are not interested in student work even if it’s better than the films at the OIAF. All those “veteran” animators should be at SAFO getting a fresh kick of energy.

Grandfather sold his house. Shit man, I was born in that house. We have a final shindig. All of us roaming the empty house like ghosts…. Looking at every wall, every mark, every crack and stain and corner for evidence that we existed here once. I’ve never seen my relatives like this. Usually they’re all so cold and distant. My grandfather does not attend this farewell. He’s moved into this care facility with my grandma whose got Alzheimer’s. Holy shit… I just found out that Linda from the Estonia house, the woman who was organizing the Estonian anim. Festival, just died. Apparently she was in a coma for two weeks. She’d fallen asleep in her apartment and left a cigarette or candle burning. Someone suggested that she was reading my book at the time (she’d just bought a copy). Assholes. Guess our festival is off.

September
Trying to get ASIFA magazine done. ASIFA pres. has apparently lost his mind. Squirrel meat takes like hamburger. Off to Switzerland for Fantoche festival. Introducing Kovalyov screening and moderating some panels. Opening ceremony is awful… I mean awful. Nice town. Getting sick. So many beautiful women…. when does THAT stop? Gerben and I have nice chats. OK… Hold up… this town is getting boring. Can only jog so far. Can only see those films so many times. Drinking a lot of coffee. Shit… got a cold. Oh man… stopped in Toronto again. Sent through Immigration. I’m still wanted in the U.S. Jesus Christ… can’t they correct this? I have to call this 1-800-number I’m told. Back to Ottawa. Kelly’s friend Kelly died. I sorta knew her. She had cancer for four years. Only stayed alive for her two young kids. She was kinda bitchy but I liked her. She told you what she felt. Johnny Cash died that week. Big deal.

Sent out manuscript to six publishers. Heard back from one. Said I can’t write (basically). Fuck him and his mom. Find out later that publisher is facing heavy financial losses. Like to tell myself that’s the real reason. Jarvis is back at school. After one day they called him up to the “all days.” He’s so excited. His confidence soars overnight and he’s suddenly excited about school. I told those teachers. Pal loans me Alan Partridge DVD. British comedy. Funny. Started playing ice hockey again. Man it’s zen. So damn relaxing. You can cheat. Just glide and feel that breeze. I dunno what it is… but it’s calming and exhilarating.

October
Andreas Hykade and family visit us for a few days before SAFO. His daughter doesn’t speak any English. Jarvis speaks no German. They get along great. SAFO goes off w/o hitch except Grillo’s pissed off because of Meltzer’s article. I think he just likes to complain. We get a note from head of Telefilm Canada congratulating us on being sold out. Says it was good that they had second thoughts. Hmm… I guess our massive media campaign had no effect.

Son of Satan won. I’m pleased as a bitch in heat being tongued about that. It was far and away the best film. A lot didn’t think so. A lot of students found it ugly. Idiots. They all seem to think that “art” is flawless and perfect. What’s with these kids? What’s with their teachers? Hey… some schmuck doesn’t like my “stoner” introductions. I don’t smoke pot buddy. I guess he’d prefer the formal, fake fucks that usually go up on stage, pretending they care and like you and all that. At least I don’t pretend. John Canemaker is the Jean Beliveau of animation. A real swell guy. Doesn’t take any shit either.

Got my head punched in ball hockey by some wingnut. So much for boxing skills. When he gets the same one game suspension I get, I ‘retire’ from this nuttiness. Pride hurt, head bruised.

Urine is consistently clear. Doctor says I’m in good shape. (Means trouble I figure).

Dog’s medicine is working. She jogs with me, but no more limps. Expensive of course.

Estonian festival is happening but no idea how. I’ve organized the films and the guests… and all that… but have no idea where I’m staying or what’s happening. Estonians are really slow. It’s not just me.

Jarvis’ school has Harvest feast. I hate other parents. Fake conversations all night with these pseudo rich shits. I offer Jarvis any toy of his choice not to go… but he refuses. Idiot or genius? A lot of birthday parties this month. I really have a social problem with other parents. Kelly and I just don’t fit in. Hmm… screw it.