Illustration by Andreas Hykade. Courtesy of Chris Robinson.

Insignificant and occasionally interesting contributions to the cognition of reality…

Couple months back I was visiting an animation school in the U.S. For the most part, the animation department was no better or worse than most animation schools I’ve encountered: 3D animation, as usual, was pretty much short on concept — oh and hey, all you fuckers who throw the word CONCEPT or CONCEPTUAL around like they’ve found the lost ark can KISS MY ASS. Concept means you have an IDEA. What the fuck is non-conceptual anyway? Even the worst piece o’ poo poo that has crossed my eyes had a CLUE, IDEA, GOAL, CONFUGGINCEPT. OK? Can we move on now? Any questions?

Long on lip-synch (as in theft, borrowing, recycling, stealing, lifting, pilfering, taking) down the hall in the traditional department we find the latest Preston Blair/Disney wanna-be impressions; and, maybe worst of all, is the use of music. There’s nothing more annoying than watching really crappy visualizations (that means PICTURES) of really crappy Tori Amos songs… or even better… using the same piece of music from a recent animation. I’m breathing examples of one school… but I’m by no means picking on them. The above criticisms can be applied to 90-95% of the so-called animation programs in existence.

Lesson #1: Throw ALL DISNEY/Warner/Preston Blair materials into an incinerator. No offense Charlie but these should NOT be taught as if they’re standard texts. I mean first off… this phony attempt at realism is just that… people aren’t soft, round figures with big wide round eyes, they come in all shapes and forms. You’d notice that if you took the time to close the book, turn off Bambi and Linkin Park and SEE the world and people around you. It’s sad really because I see some stuff that’s not bad, snippets of a personality… but it’s all shot to shit when those cozy little teddy bear drawings appear. It’s amazing to me that no one questions the validity of a Disney or Blair (are they the same?) drawing. It’s simply taken for granted that these sources are truth; the natural essence of drawn animation. What a bunch of suckers.

Lesson #2: It’s a tough call. Maybe computers and software should be junked. Clearly, people are way too fascinated with these toys to create anything interesting… and most students seem to rely too much on the inherent assets of the computer… so again… their voice is lost to that of the limitations or controls of the software. But then I think of the interesting films like Bingo and Flying Nansen and I feel forgiving. OK… how about we say that no one can animate with a computer until they’re at least 30 and have made drawn, cutout, direct, collage films. Of course… then you’re all out of jobs, and maybe that ain't such a bad thing.

Lesson #3: BAN THE USE OF NON-ORIGINAL MUSIC. I don’t care if they make silent films or pull out their mom’s Casio, ANYTHING to get them more focussed on the image. YOU’RE MAKING A MOVIE children… a medium dominated, apparently, by an image. You wanna play Moby, make me a mixed tape.

Lesson #4: HISTORY/PHILOSOPHY/ART/LITERATURE Especially a problem at colleges, students often get half-assed ‘liberal arts’ courses taught by my mom or the most flexible custodian. I don’t mean that they need a better animation history, something that includes more than a token appearance by the parts of the world that aren’t USA, but at least an introduction to the philosophy and history of parts of the world that aren’t USA. In one classroom I visited they had a map… of the USA. Don’t give me any shit about snobbery but man… European students, for the most part, make us look like slobbering monkeys. They get a fairly well rounded education in the history and culture of the world. You can see it in many of the student films. Even the worst or unsuccessful films are often somewhat original.