For umm whatever reason the film has cut off and now we’re watching Sexrise in the Orient. Hmm…title isn't so hot. Oh, I see this is part two...maybe this was a Weimar period serial. Okay, so the machine has blown a fuse and the sheik has do his own dirty work again. But then his willie starts talking to him and it collapses. Doc tells him to sleep and then builds a super computer that will replace this old contraption. But hey, what’s this? It turns out that the doc is hiding in the machine and he’s the one doing all the pleasuring. OH THAT DOC! He’s a sly one. Heh heh. So then as a punishment, sheik makes the doctor take the harem in exchange for a "young hairless boy" (this seems like clever ad-libbed dialogue from those L.A. hipsters). The animation is so bad I think I saw the transparencies moving like in that Coldplay video, but accidentally (and I bet that Coldplay video didn’t even USE cels to begin with).

MEANWHILE my brain is startin' to go numb. Memories of Ottawa selection. I’m not getting aroused at all from this and it’s almost giving me a headache…making me dizzy…everything happens so damn fast. These ‘actors’ (more like bored studio basement dwellers) just keep overplayin’ it. But hey to give them some credit…I can't imagine these films working in German either but maybe the L.A. hipsters have cut these films to pieces. Where are we now…Dracula Sucks. Dracula wakes up and is spankin' the mic. Goes out apparently still hot and bothered (gee takes me a least 15-20 minutes sometimes to get all goin’ again) and he sees this gal walkin' along the road…so he, I guess he knows her, goes into a barn, jumps inside the cow's mouth and then inserts his mic into one of the cow's utters…oh okay I see where this is goin' and sure enough, the gal enters and starts milking the vampire. So okay….Then Jethro comes in and says, "Sweet Analisa’s getting porked by a vampire." He saves her, takes her home, and then well…you know. (I don’t understand this rewarding someone with the same prize that the apparent villain was trying to give the gal in the first place specially since the villain seems to have just as fine equipment as the hero.) Okay...this is dull…Dracula somehow ends up in a meat grinder after trying for another gal. Animation isn't even high schoolish…but the vamp sorta looks like Count Chocula.

No title on this one…couple are lying in bed -- looks like a ‘normal’ festival film so far -- and the woman seems eager to go at it, but hubby is lethargic… could this be a serious expression of suburban alienation? Well sort of… While hubby's at work, wife amuses herself with the chimney sweeper, milkman and postman…oh and she’s got a maid too…and so these two just walk around butt naked either taking care of their gardens or assisting the servicemen. Damn, they don’t appear interested in each other though…oh, and man what’s this? Jeepers, a pop bottle and then a cactus plant…oh, it’s a set up cause the TV repairman arrives and he gets pricked when he enters the wife’s garden. HA HA HA HA

Best one yet is Pimper Power. It starts off like it's gonna be a suburban swing fest and then dissolves into some strange sort of non-narrative piece depicting all sorts of sexual shenanigans. Design ranges from that sort of Playboy illustration to UPA and even some bits that seem out of ‘50-‘60s Polish animation (Jan Lenica). Top marks for keeping it human and aside from willie coming out of a woman's mouth a bit (that is very tired), tain't bad.

Cyber Porn
This is stupid. Let’s see what's online? Found this site called Jumping Jokes: Home of Bizarre Animation. Nothing goin' on here…just found some interactive stuff…conceptual-gag-dada agenda… don’t get me wrong! I AM looking for something interactive, but I was thinking of something more umm…intimate touchy feely like. NEXT! Disney Sex World…that should be plenty interesting…oh dear ‘page not found’…it was there last week...at least that’s what my friend told me…I guess Michael got his legitimate goons on this one…damn I was hoping for some Minnie-Daisy action. Okay this looks hopeful. It’s called Hot Cartoon and there’s a menu of links ranging from Lora Croft sucks and phuks to Scooby phuks, Spiderman, Mickey, Xena and holy...even cute innocent little Casper…although not sure how ghosts do it...well jeeps…let’s check it out…OH DAMN all these pop up boxes sheeeit…STOP…crazy help invasion…okay….calm down…s’alright just close 'em…crap, more opening…UGH ARGH...damn friggin' techno jerks…hold on.

Okay. Under control…closed the boxes. Just leading me in circles…couldn’t find Casper…okay...well somehow I stumbled onto something, but this isn't animation...it’s just colour drawings of Scooby, Shaggy and Fred having a whirl with that non-glasses gal…okay there seems to be some bizarre limited motion pieces involving the Simpsons, Jetsons (George and …I can’t tell if that’s the missus or the daughter) and other assorted cartoonies doing naughty things but looks like I gotta pay a fee to watch, and that ain't gonna happen. Would have been interesting I guess…but do I really wanna see Bart and Lisa…umm...never mind. Seems to be some pretty realistic 3D stuff too.