Mark speaking at an F.A. meeting.

“Hello. I’m Mark.”

“Hi Mark,” you all say in unison.

“I am a freelancer. I’ve been addicted to freelancing for over 20 years.”

The crowd gasps.

“I… I just don’t want to work staff anywhere. I prefer the freedom of working for myself.”

From the back of the room, a voice yells, “We hear you, Brother!”

“I’ve been asked to speak here at Freelancers Anonymous because I share your affliction. I’ve been successful at freelancing and I’ve been hiring my brother and sister freelancers for over 12 years.”

A chant starts to grow in the room, “Mark. Mark. Mark. Mark.” (OK, maybe not.)

“Here at F.A., we are men and women who prefer the uncertainty of future checks for the supposedly higher fees we can charge and the freedom of working how, where, when and with whom we wish. We also get to watch TV for weeks on end while waiting for our next gig.”

“We are here at F.A. to help each other. We charge no dues or fees, at least not unless we’re working. We are self-supporting and make our own contributions to our IRA accounts.”

A voice screams in the darkness, “AAAUUUUGGHHHH! I haven’t been saving!”

“Our primary purpose is to stay consistently employed and help other freelancers stay out of debt.”

A tiny voice squeaks in the middle of the room, “Can I have a job?”

“Of course you can. We all can. We just need to know how and where to look. It is important that we understand the hiring practices of businesses so we stand the best chance of getting those freelance gigs.”

“Those who don’t know how to land gigs aren’t the only ones who get hurt. Their families do too. So do the businesses who hire the wrong people, simply because they didn’t know who we were.”

“The most common symptoms of freelancing are a lack of understanding of realistic hiring procedures, little marketing knowledge, lack of health insurance, a stiff neck from waiting for the phone to ring, baggy eyes from loss of sleep during rush projects and a feeling that clients never leave enough time for you to do the quality you would like to do. Sound familiar to anyone?”

“Here at F.A., we need our friends and families to understand what it takes to be a successful freelancer. We can’t do this without their support. We have to attend industry functions on nights and weekends. We have to go to late dinners with clients and potential clients. We have to work through nights and weekends when the workflow is heavy, because we don’t know how long it will last. However, we will also have weekdays available at times to do what we want and we enjoy what we do, so we’re happy. Our income potential and career advancement is also up to us, not a corporate oversight board.”

“So what are these mysterious hiring procedures businesses follow when hiring freelancers? I have discovered the Five Steps of Hiring Freelancers. These are not written procedures, but are based on actual hiring actions. All businesses start with…”

“Step 1: Clients hire freelancers they know and trust.”

“When jobs come in, it’s usually more important that it gets completed well and on-time with few hassles than it is to be the absolutely best job possible. With limited time and budgets, businesses have to feel certain that the work will be completed well and on time so they hire proven talent. Trust is important.

“When trusted freelancers are not available, businesses turn to…”