Ducks, penguins and ostriches join the soccer league in Fowl Play! © Christopher De Santis.

Fowl Play!
In Christopher De Santis’ sprightly animated short Fowl Play!, ducks play soccer with penguins and ostriches to the tune of Song 2 by Blur, which is sure to bring a smile to the faces of the under-five set. It may also drive serious men mad, so in the spirit of Charles Cros’ The Salt Herring and to boost my word count, here are some facts relating to the main points covered in this short:

Penguins (of the order Sphenisciformes) are flightless birds which live in the southern hemisphere, primarily in cold climates but also in the tropics. They eat krill, grow to 1.1 meters in height, and move in large groups. The species emerged 40 million years ago in the Eocene era.

Ducks, from the family Anatidae, are aquatic birds found in both saltwater and freshwater. Some duck species are migratory; some are nomadic; many are domesticated. The male or “drake” molts in summer, usually before migration. The down from Eider ducks is shed freely, and need not be plucked.

Soccer, also known as Ostrich, is the most common sport in the world today. Two teams of 11 players each use their small vestigial wings to bat the ball past the goalie to score points. Of the world’s near quarter-billion ostrich players, the majority come from Europe, where massive football farms turn out thousands of these flightless birds who not only can maintain tight ball control but also achieve land speeds up to 65 km/hr.

Blur is a popular British pop group whose albums include Think Tank and Parklife. For many years Blur carried on a famous feud with fellow chart-toppers Oasis, which remained unsettled until 1998 when Noel Gallagher beat Damon Albarn in a refereed match of log-throwing in Pittenweem, Scotland.

Save Virgil almost became save Brad. © Brad Ableson.

Save Virgil
Animator Brad Ableson, who makes his rent storyboarding for The Simpsons, gave up a lot to make his 14-minute short Save Virgil. He gave up sleep. He gave up his credit rating. He also gave up seven feet of his colon. A victim of colonic ulcers, Ableson nearly killed himself, literally, to make Save Virgil in his spare time with a Hollywood crew and a handful of famous names. So let me state up front: not for a nothing of a fraction of a second should Brad Ableson consider giving any percentage of a rat’s ass about my opinion of his film, which is really quite funny, nor under any circumstances should I be allowed to let said opinion spew forth vapidly from the monkeymind gray matter inside my sorry skull in the first place.

That said, was Save Virgil worth dying for? Jesus, no. Except, of course, for the inestimable and glorious virtue of being able to say he did it. Save Virgil is basically the dirty prime-time special that the Family Guy crew wish they were doing — a sort of animated X-Files gag reel with a budget. It’s too blue for prime time, but you may catch it on the box someday on HBO or Showtime. And while such a scatological truffle may have been worth a week of late nights and a couple of maxed-out credit cards, only in the lowest circle of Hollywood hell should product such as this be bought with two trips to the hospital.

Save Virgil is a live-action short with traditional cel animation schlepped in on top à la Who Framed Roger Rabbit. It tells the story of Virgil, who entered the world from the womb of a normal woman but, freakishly, came out not human but Animated. Repulsive and ridiculed by all, Virgil survives kindergarten group-beatings only to fall in love sitting in front of a TV set, smitten by a big-bosomed after-school animated heroine named Viking Girl. He sets off to find his love, surviving a harrowing bout of hitchhiking in a VW bus before arriving in Hollywood at the gates of famous Hollywood Studios (you know, on Melrose). But after he discovers that Viking Girl isn’t real, he perches on top of the Hollywood sign threatening to blow himself up, where he reveals his life story to a TV reporter (the details of which form the short’s narrative, which is told in flashback).

Virgil is voiced by Man Show and Loveline funnyman Adam Carolla, and he imbues Virgil with the attitude and speech patterns of Mr. Birchum, a Vietnam vet shop teacher that he originally created for KROQ’s Kevin and Bean morning show. There are some great gags, including a brief claymation sequence brought on by Virgil’s bong-induced hallucinations; and Virgil’s Dad’s first reaction of “You been sleepin’ around, woman!” to his wife on the occasion of Virgil’s birth is priceless. Still, overflowing as it is with tit jokes, ass jokes, poo jokes, dick jokes, pot jokes, and Gary Coleman jokes, it aims so low and tries so hard that it misses the dartboard and knocks down the wall. Still, this would play great stoned.

Save Virgil will be many different things to many different people, but to writer/director/animator Brad Ableson it will always be fondly remembered as, in his words, “independent film created for advancement of career”. And he had to do it, not for his career but for himself, whether or not he inadvertently leads his audience to share that assessment. He needn’t worry about the career thing as I’m sure UPN and FX are already in a bidding war for his services. However, on the subject of the longevity of animated series on bottom-feeding broadcast networks, I have six words of warning for the artist: The Dick And Paula Celebrity Special. It was great, but it was on FX, which is like stocking Beluga caviar in the salad bar at Sizzler. Needless to say, it didn’t last. Better, surely, for Ableson to keep the corporate day job and milk that cash cow for all it’s worth — and fill his spare time with something that, if not worth dying for, is at least a bit more personal.