In an early morning raid, Agent Bugs Bunny (r) arrested hunter Elmer Fudd on dozens of counts of illegal trapping, shooting, and tanning of both protected and endangered species. © Warner Bros.

GAME HUNTER INDICTED AFTER GRISLY DISCOVERY
By Haigh Calibur

CHATTANOOGA, TN (AP) Agents of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, acting on an anonymous tip, arrested a hunter who will be charged with dozens of counts of illegal trapping, shooting, and tanning of both protected and endangered species. Elmer Fudd, 60, of Walla Walla, Washington was brought to justice after a raid on his Tennessee lodge early Wednesday morning. Once inside, agents found over 50 animals in the process of being butchered, stuffed, or skinned.

"It's not fair!" cried Fudd at his arraignment. "I had a wicense!"

"It was like a damn slaughterhouse," said USFWS agent Sam Yosemite. "This rug? Used to be an animal called Cool Cat. Those heads on the wall? That's Tennessee Tuxedo and next to him is Chumley. You ever hear of licenses to shoot penguins and walruses? This guy was a big-time dealer in illegal trophies and animal parts. I hate to think about what happened here and how long it must have gone on." U. S. sheriff Hoot Kloot, a look of utter disgust on his face, pointed to a stuffed seal mounted on an ornate oval of wood. "Sneezly, that's who that was. Real clever, this Fudd guy is. Only hunted 'em down after their shows was cancelled. Figured nobody'd miss 'em. Look at this. Coat made out of Hardy Har Har. Turns my stomach."

"I didn't mean it! Oh, what have I done, what have I done!" wailed Fudd. "I killed the poor widdle animals! I'm a murderer! Officers, I'm vewy, vewy sowwy!"

Few of the agents had any sympathy for Fudd. One of them, Agent Bugs Bunny, during questioning, threw him into an oven, stating, "If I thought ya was guilty, would I throw ya in this oven and slam the door, like this? Would I turn the gas on, like this? Would I throw a lighted match in there, like this?" Fortunately, Fudd survived the explosion and was taken away to be held without bond until a trial date is set. Although it is not known who turned Fudd in to authorities, agent Bunny was seen to wink at reporters, stating, "Ain't I a stinker?"

Happy April Fools Day, Week, Month, whatever, from Dr. Toon!

Martin "Dr. Toon" Goodman is a longtime student and fan of animation. He lives in Anderson, Indiana.