Serious thespians Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet as fairy godparents, Cosmo and Wanda? © Nickelodeon.

The Fairly OddParents (2011)
Directed by Gabriele Muccino

There's nothing odd about this reunion of Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet as the lively husband-and-wife OddParents Cosmo and Wanda! These frantic fairies are sworn to answer every wacky wish that young Timmy Turner (Angus T. Jones) cooks up. No one's laughing, though, when Denzel Crocker (Kevin Spacey) brainwashes the Crimson Chin (played by Jay Leno) into capturing Cosmo and Wanda for his own. Timmy has to enlist Jorgen von Strangle (The Rock) and Norm the Genie (Paul Rubens) to help free his captive OddParents. Things get even more complicated when Vicky (played by Corina Boettger) finally learns Timmy's secret. "Da Rules" are out the window in this hilarious free-for-all!

CatDog could be re-imagined as a meeting of the minds between Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler. © Nickelodeon.

CatDog (2012)
Directed by Steve Carr

CG imagery and today's top comic actors join forces in the live-action film that they said could never be done! Jim Carrey (Cat) and Adam Sandler (Dog) are double the fun as the freaky, joined-at-the-waist critter loved by millions. CatDog's comic foes, the Greaser Dogs (portrayed by Danny DeVito, Joe Pesci and Bjork) have it out with Rancid Rabbit (Billy Bob Thornton) to see who will get to sell CatDog to a big-time circus that's coming to town. Luckily for CatDog, their buddy Winslow the mouse (Nathan Lane) has a few tricks up his sleeve. Stealing the show, however, are the incredible visual effects that turn Sandler and Carrey into a two-headed, sausage-shaped combination of our most popular house pets. Sandler spars and spats with opposite end Carrey in the most unusual -- and funniest -- live-action to animation adaptation of the year.

Who will come out on top when Andy Richter, Al Pacino and Gene Hackman battle the Metalocalypse? ™ & © 2006 Cartoon Network.

Metalocalypse: Reign of the Klokateers (2013)
Directed by Mark Pellington

That murderous mega-group Dethklok will be portrayed by Dutch death metal group Legion of the Damned in this upcoming live-action extravaganza. Manager Charles Foster Ofdensen (Andy Richter) prepares an endorsement deal with computer giant Microhard which will make the company virtually omnipotent. This is too much for the Tribunal, whose mysterious leader Mr. Selatcia (Al Pacino) orders the final destruction of Dethklok. His newest lackey, the Metal-Masked Assassin (played by Jack Black), leads an army of Revengencers to intercept Dethklok at the filming site for the Microhard TV spot only to find that the band's fanatic bodyguards, the Klokateers, have been molded into a first-class fighting force by General Crozier (Gene Hackman) who has again freed himself from Selatcia's mindlock. But -- who comes out on top?

There, isn't that easy? And fun? All you need is a bad concept, ridiculous casting and a director unfamiliar with animation, an obscenely high budget, and the assumption that the film-going audience has the collective taste of a clam. In the end, you'll get a resounding flop that will keep the correspondents at Rotten Tomatoes busy for weeks on end. However, you'll also emerge with your reputation still intact, millions of dollars in your bank account, and the knowledge that however you mangle an animation-to-live-action-project, someone will clear your slate by doing a worse and more ignorant job. As long as Hollywood is determined to continue with that despicable genre known as LAFFs, you will never, ever, look stupid enough. Speed Racer, M. Night Shyamalan absolves thee; so let it be written, so let it be dumb.

Gabe the typing Yorkshire terrier would now like to announce Dr. Toon's first-ever reader's contest! Just pick one of his brilliant concepts from the four above, tell him why it should be produced, predict how much money it will make, and tell Dr. Toon what he ought to do with the money! The best entry wins a signed copy of this manuscript, a signed photo, and future mention in this column! You have until March 31, 2009 to win this special package from Hollywood's next famous producer of LAAFs! Think about it -- If you got the same items from Michael Eisner back in 1993, they would probably be worth dinner at any Taco Bell today!

Martin "Dr. Toon" Goodman is a longtime student and fan of animation. He lives in Anderson, Indiana.