Pamela Kleibrink

Thompson.

I confess a lifelong reluctance to ask others for help. It's rather ironic since I provide services to help others. As a recruiter, I help companies find people. As a career coach I help people with job transitions and all kinds of other career and life-related issues. I help people and yet I tend not to ask others for help, even when I should.

Being too independent can handicap you and hold you back from accomplishing your goals and dreams. No one can do everything. The most successful people are those who ask others to help. Many of the most astonishing achievements have come about through the efforts of people working together, whether it's building the Panama Canal, landing a man on the moon or creating an animated feature film.

Being too independent can be painful and detrimental to your health. When my daughter was born I was determined to breast feed her. I remember lying in the hospital staring at a chart about breast feeding and struggling to understand it, not asking the nurse for any help. I was drained, exhausted. I didn't realize that my daughter had enough to eat, and was simply using me as a human pacifier. I went home without full instruction about breast feeding and reluctant to ask for a doula or any other help and soon developed an agonizing breast infection. It was more pain than I had during childbirth.

Tender and burning, I finally went to the doctor and got some help for my infected breast. (I advise anyone having a baby to get a mother's helper or doula for the first few weeks-- it's a great gift for any friends who are expecting.)

I have asked for help when there was no other choice. My first car was a Datsun 510 and I learned how to replace air filters, fuel lines and oil filters. But there were some mechanical repairs that were too complicated for me so I had to ask for help from friends who were car mechanics.

You may think asking for help is a sign of weakness, like I did. We all know people who get lost on the road and don't ask for directions. Asking for help is the sensible thing to do yet many of us stay frustrated and lost. If you don't have the expertise, don't let pride or ego stand in your way of learning and growing. 

It's actually clever and courageous to ask for help. In his "New Norm" policy memo the Army National Guard Command Sgt. Major Richard Burch notes that asking for help is not a sign of weakness and encourages his team to both provide and ask for help. Yet many of us persist in believing there is a stigma to admitting we need help. Dr. Robin Smith says asking for help is a sign of strength and maturity. Asking for help isn't something to be ashamed of. No one has all the answers.

I have recently realized that being willing to accept help from others will deepen my friendships and relationships. In one of my favorite films, It's A Wonderful Life, George Bailey's friends come to his aid at the climax of the story.

In Jesus CEO, Using Ancient Wisdom for Visionary Leadership author Laurie Beth Jones points out that "every person who touches a life helps shape it." Since each person we come in contact with can help shape our life and vice versa, it's vital that we allow others to touch our lives and make an impact on us, just as we do to them. We must be willing to both receive and give. To do so strengthens our connections with others.