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The Animation Pimp: Via Slug’s Saloon

The Animation Pimp presents the unedited selection notes he took during the 2002 Ottawa Festival's selection process, where he, and two others, watched over 1600 films in nine days

Monthly provocative, drunken, idiotic ramblings from the North

One will be the more learned, the more one knows that one is ignorant. -- Nicholas of Cusa

Illustration by Andreas Hykade Courtesy of Chris Robinson.

Illustration by Andreas Hykade Courtesy of Chris Robinson.

Oh my god No phukking way Good story but same ol same ol Ginger can kiss my green grass ass Self-conscious hip Speaking of enemas Technique is unique but this is phukking boring Narration is weird disjointed intense Hey these animals are really cute Pushing the Canadian accents to extremes Fairly Hey a freak dog with three legs Cow cud with big balls Been there seen that Blah blah Bangles Eat me! I would like to sock someone Im feeling violent the clichés never end Disney has redefined bland nice bosom though pro-girl but of course shes ummhot I like tea biscuits I smell monkey poo We are talking about blueberry chocolate confusions sometimes I think its chocolate but its blueberry Nice design Jerry Stiller bird I like blueberry tea biscuits Ive had 2 cups of coffee Disneys answer to Powerpuff Design=Burton Jokes=lame Id rather eat rice Pretty phukking obscure Really a series? Pretty funny Cleaning rooms is a no-go Winking is a no-no One bite of a cabbage and his wish will come true Suck my cakehole ya bad acting bitch Pretty original but I dunno kinda boring too Theres that dog again A fart joke multiple orgasms hand in pants vomiting little hairy muffin Every lame idea becomes a TV concept it's like a phukking receptacle looks like an early '80s cartoon but would look bad even then A meccano dream here we go again first Elvis reference Belongs in heaven lame jokes poor dialogue Nathan Lane!? Ive had better tales in my ass Cereal company doesnt but toys in box Igors character influence Not on tape Blow me! Annecy can keep it! Decent design mediocre script Pre Dickable Holy phuk. See "mimi"

Now THATs animation! This music is making me thirsty No way Nice Mexican accent ya skinny phuck is a dog aware of his existence? Dont be greedy come and get it no its wrong here try some ge ya goin real big fat albert

#1

my nose runs on occasion there is a no in nose I am a no

I hate elves and for dummie books die please light green has that overbeck look red while circle dancers in circle I was nice ONCE not again Stay there youre more boring than your boring city Ruined by coupling duck hunt Theyre shooting ducks slike a fortune tellereh HA HA HA Reindeers drinking stupid old broad Sometimes when I crap it 's poignant Phuck U That rough raw style Fresh towels are fine Flutes should be banned Elastic band MAYBE just because there are three people and I am but one who said NON! Make the pain go away Great gag Bugs can't play drums 9-11 reference #1 How come the Penguin? I wanna work for Don Bluth, but Don Bluth doesnt work anymore either Hes phukkin dreamin in pencil Heyfran/will Krause influenced! Thick line drawings slavery bit of Larkin influence Elderly schmelderly RRRRRRRRRRRRR Why is this animated? So much realistic detail Just shoot it LIVE! Maybe Can. Panorama It's NEVER Jules Verne? Character design is just silly Clitoris? It belongs in a hole St. inspector Nein This is one of the WORST entries ever cheese burger amiga man I feel like sleeping too A lo ghostbuster with a halo/belly button De la A La Nice bits poor pace at times not always clear something familiar Woody Allen Big eyed guy in cub sketchy style even worse then the Quays Nails cotton and things that dont move Great voice actors! I was out-voted so its maybe for panorama Frankenstein created turns on creator? Im losing my mind on Day 2 I dont like my mummy bunny honey huuney strange atmospheric not THAT bad woman as oven max schrek that damn 2d look heythat guy has no nose but he does have a trailer Oh dear now hes a bird Why? The new King! Softfocus Nobut I do! Preachy but nice design so-so so-so mmmmmhp sauce [I made a drawing too] I dont like red landscape First we drink

#2

Frogs are green limes are green go away

Beeter and course think evrythink nothink sumthink nd owmy arm une piece de poopoo another floating man priit parn hommage bingo deformed media pressure The whistle no whistling big squirrels Puking gargoyles dumala RRRREDDDDD purple blue cue yr tape asshole saw this in Estonia are the pauses the dvd? Forget it! Sok but kinda sloppy even a Mexican wrestler hmm.RRRRRRR LONG well animated designed

#3 Sleep I need Sleep Dreams are good Does Anyone sleep WELL? I can photocopy my hand too.

Genital issues hysteria is caused by wanking but what is caused by crying? Tape phukked and it's 11 min. Nein death sex birth go work at NFB we dont need to hear this song if they DO IT its in looks like found footage bla SWANSBBBITTTS Time frozen? Were into the 3d shit Raoul Servais is still alive big hats umbrellas tom tina maybe/no I say NO they say PANORAMA maybe for kids category? Very stylish it is done fat people bolero b/w subway NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO do not enter test film credits longer than movie The loving was comin WEEEEEEEEE.Im floating Feathers, canes and cello Lighten Up! Curtain rises Please let us stop Fuck off creep I like RED!!! I like Red Sumo river phukker my stomach is beeping Soviet anthem! Yippee!!! Oi my head Already showed at Ottawa 76 Dont like lighting framing or the phukking dolls finger puppets suck I want to dance hes right Life is hard especially when I must watch pretentious stuff like this finale-mother-son Winks! No waste a No Speaking of Pärn Seven Sins and into the void it goes 2 men shoot their dogs "oh for something to eat" This one won't be on the menu Miles Davis robot Capture filmmaker and remove computer Pixar pool balls not enuff balls Bosom Wacky Unintended parody of surrealism Jesus Christ germans doin Japanese robots This is phukking weird like snowshoes Nox3 ugly scary powdered film? They go dark Shadowplay Chuck Gamble black this/that Pärn/Krause "Id like to take a crap on the tv screen" Spoons are good for big fuls of cereal wank

#4

Starlight Starbright Please be the last Star Like This I see this life

Sparse single character it sure is! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm what a wonderful woild "a baby monkey maybe" how much are we paying this education handcuffed to your dick poe was American Ive seen toys in my nightmaresand then the scream came Margaret rewind the tape please Whose Sam? Look MA! Sand on glass! Drink your tea and shed up No seeds! The horror! No classical guitars please Tumpkins I am not of the same opinion Baden has great hot springs but tuscania was much better by starlight Smut U my friend are an idiot Spiderman Whose to say what is not objective Whose to say what is objective Isnt objective subjective? Is my reality objective or subjective? I like bugs! No! I LOVE bugs!

#5

Burton, Tim Elfman, Danny Festival, no

Whoass me Is that gum? Pretentious git is that a NO I smell? That best not be a tightrope meanwhile at the bar? Areba si signor Im beggin you to SHUT UP I invented the door bell this child has the voice of a thirty year old Remove this 2 Kaks Was that a handjob? How many ways can I spell stooped. No whistling no whistling no ninjas either I dont mind her ass but the other 2 say "no" Not working ummgosh stupido city as jungle flying turtles statues pyramids turtles flying around why me smile? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHY? There must be a way to stop it Whats with this accent? Atmospheric nonsense 1-2-3- NO! 3 mins of colour bars culture.

Oh god. I protest I protest aint disqualified Timmy

Title sequence its lame

Je crash Pierre tamitay I loved it just in case someone from Roman reads this Last minute is weak Disq condie comp animation Touch each other in funny ways NO! [I added a drawing] Sorry Pal but once again This is not for tom and tina schoolmiscellaneous porn nookaleedookalee [drawings of spheres, tunnels, cubes] Do beans get gas? Tape damaged uses the ACTUAL Python track I like to like it more than I did Im sad Best Acting! Entered before? Gak gak no spend less time on you logo This is really depressing Aussie narration must stop Make a film without dialogue and stop reminiscing about your damn cousins brothers uncles aunts nieces dogs cats cities and dads Accordians and fake French accents w/love are and have always been OUT The stupidest why even bother yet most truthful STOP OINKING! Speaking of nightmares disqualified parn/driessen most copied I just wanna say BI heh heh Does this mean that if I reject your film I am intolerant? Poor singing if ya geeasks me beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice Im running too! Speaking of sinking ships! Tina thinks its cheese another stork what a waste of a FINE poet disqual. Childrens categories not today! Everyone hopes that each tape is damaged now. [drawing of a smiling face] Jarvis laughed when she ate the whole chicken

[one facial drawing]

Disc jockey no I want to forget it all cut together

FOR kids does not mean BY kids Life is about leaving Bear in schoolyard very little animation but tree with golden apples STOP IT! [many incoherent scribbles and various drawings] oops Neither SEEN nor HEARD Damn shame 8 year old

Good soundtrack 2 min. in and no animation good screen saver NOPE usual imagery single character alienated blah fuggin blah blah nonfigurative figurative They WILL never know wankadoodledo some people think that non-narrative means no narration airport London melting ice kinda ol school collage trace its a narrative! Bad mood tired easy to irritate always find someone to accommodate me my dad on a bender but with a rabbit narrative? I am to put an end to thisescape slow unclear not sure how interesting to caricature the faces of statues yikes another non-narration piece? OH GOD Please make this end. I was wish I was who was that blinded guy in lear? Gloucesteroh hellOedipusll do too. So ummwhat is it with woman and cats why not dogs or birdies or vibrators Estonians should travel to the U.S. and stop reducing Americans to cultural stereotypes. Must be their peasant roots igors work structured as a narrative but n.n. to me is something impression/expression but figure or non-figure grainy paint brush atmosphere/ecliptic/hints holes are usually empty or filled with STUFF cue yr tape! Seconds minutes hours days wasted by rewind wasnt bad but.. every film brought excitement hope potential now its just an ache an arrogance "PROOVE IT BUDDY" impatience.films gone in seconds but how else? How much of the limited scenes are painted over how funny paist vs life logic/reason goes out the window senses take over Nah seen better peaceful simple sparse FREEDOM go go go go go go go colourbars on on on black cue it kill me NOW! Maybe u should focus harder on one film rather than submit 4-5 another girl-cat film She aint no proust of course maybe thats good synth leaves water 2d are the ingredients of cheese sugly disqualified dont tell US youre an experimental film TAPE SMASHED saw it speaking of gas pipeswhere is the engraving pallice? Narrative Noooooooooooooooooooooooo Friday [drawing of a head with a hat that then serves a boat in a drawing above with the sun and seagulls above] ONE OF US CANNOT BE WRONG oh yesthat is true and it is I who is not wrong this time made it awkward and ugly repetitive actions flow chaos no sound make sure we are all prepared check all dvds/cdroms in advance to ensure that they work I should call SAFO SOFA What with the Stephen Hawking voices?

Lego head as a bowling ball beating up al roker is good effective anti-smoking using who is the careless neighbour funny [more drawings] disqualified ite [drawing of spider] newspaper town matrix references are very annoying salt hahahahahaha Looting is the best dude

Damaged.

I dont get it.

Unedited Selection Notes Written July 9-17, 2002 Ottawa, Canada 1670 films were entered 90 something were accepted very few squirrels or goats were involved

Chris Robinson is but a man. His hobbies include squirrel taunting, goat thumping, meat dancing and elderly peeping. You can find the results at http://asifa.net/robinson.

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